#1race1world

I wasn’t going to write about this. It’s a sensitive subject right now. I don’t want to offend anyone. Unintentionally, of course. But I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and this story has been gnawing to get out. So here goes.

The four of us were out for a family dinner a few years ago – me, my wife and our twenty-something year old kids. Our conversations are usually about sports, current events or family stuff. Nothing too serious. There’s usually a lot of laughing and poking fun at each other.

But not that night. Our conversation was different. I don’t know why. We talked about sexuality, racism and feminism.

It was interesting to hear what my wife and kids had to say about racism in particular because I had been thinking about how I perceive other people. Seeing someone who’s different from me rarely registers on my radar because it happens every day. Toronto’s a multicultural city and I love that.

I try to look at all people the same way. I try not to pre-judge anyone based on skin colour, language, sexuality, physical attributes or any other feature that makes them different from me. Most of the time I’m successful. But not all the time.

Sometimes I get a feeling of danger in my gut when I encounter someone who’s different. It could happen when I walk by a group of older teenagers hanging out in a park or when I pass someone on a quiet street, especially at night. There’s rarely an apparent danger. But there’s almost always someone who’s different from me. And if I’m being completely honest with myself, the person is often Black.  

When I first realized this, I was very disappointed in myself. I try very hard to treat everyone the same. I don’t say or do anything racist. But even though I think I succeed on the outside I discovered I fail on the inside. And what’s inside has a way of coming out even when we don’t notice it. I didn’t consider myself to be THAT kind of person. I wasn’t racist. But I was. And I am.

I could say I’ve been conditioned by society to believe certain groups are more dangerous than others. But that doesn’t cut it. When I notice something I don’t like about myself it’s up to me to make a change.

I could also say this gut feeling is my fight or flight instinct being activated. That’s part of being human. It’s necessary for our survival and engages whenever we sense danger.

That doesn’t cut it either. I know the fight or flight instinct has been deeply ingrained in all humans over the past millions of years. And I know it’s been responsible for my survival. I’m grateful for that. But my life is different from that of my ancestors. I don’t worry about being killed by a sabre toothed tiger or being attacked by a warring tribe when I leave my shelter.

I can’t ignore my fight or flight instinct completely, though. That would be dangerous. So what am I doing? I’m monitoring it and updating it where necessary. When I get a feeling in my gut that it’s kicking in I pause and ask myself “Is there really a danger here? Or am I being racist?” And if I’m being racist, I make a mental note, chastise myself a little, and curb my racist thoughts.

This kind of thinking is unacceptable. We shouldn’t be living in a world where we have those thoughts, let alone a world in which a Black man is killed because of his skin colour and for no other reason. The protests that are happening now in the U.S. are long overdue. Not just in the U.S. and not just for Black people. But especially in the U.S. and especially for Black people.

In an ideal world race wouldn’t matter. We’d all be members of one race and wouldn’t care what other people look or sound like. We’d care only about who they are on the inside.

Picture a job interview where you don’t get to see the other person and both your voices are altered to disguise your sex and accents. Picture living your daily life like that. That’s the kind of world in which we should be living.

The focus is on Black Lives Matter now, as it should be. But this is just the beginning. There’s lots to be done. All over the world. Starting with each and every one us taking the time to recognize our biases and moving beyond them. It’s a small step and we all can and should do more, but it’s an important step.

Let’s get to it.

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